before…

“

any day can bring goodbye ~

so

let’s hold one another close

before

we touch the sky ~

“

“

before the wind blows…

“

“

this is ~

Beasts of Articulation

‘

this is my heart ~ feeling

what

my mind is ~ shouting ~

‘

eyes drowning in tears

as

my veins spill blood into the night.

‘

I cry out upon deaf ears ~

will my slumber ever sing…

dreams of beauty

or

will it be consumed…

by this shameful darkness

and

dread?

‘

‘

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… faltering…

drops

10 for Tuesday = Ten word Story #12

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“my words stand alone

unless

they are embraced by you.”

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Friday Flash – Shattered

Felicity at The Dark Chronicles – http://felicityjohns.com/2015/03/27/friday-flash-shattered/ has a wonderful Friday prompt called Friday Flash.  This week’s challenge is called ‘Shattered’.

This is a prompt – to paraphrase Felicity – this is not of ‘word’ only, but of thoughts. It’s feeling the word you see, writing what you feel and revealing a “break” – whether the “break is mental, physical or meta-physical…the point of no return.”  When I saw Felicity’s post, I knew exactly what she meant and knew I had written a piece which, in my humble opinion, describes all of the above.  Incidentally, it is the first poem I ever wrote (not counting high school) and posted on WordPress.

 ~ Numb ~

I want to feel numb – feel nothing.

Feel no love – when it goes away, I do not have to feel so bad.

Feel no hate.

Feel no guilt – for feeling no love or hate.

Feel no hurt or pain – just a nothing existence.

Numb – be dead.  No feelings of anything, just nothingness.

 

A brief explanation:

This piece was originally written in October of 2010.  I shortly, thereafter, revised it as a result of a derogatory comment made by the person who encouraged me to start blogging in the first place.  As a result of his comments (he was not Bill), I buckled under the pressure and lightened it up a bit. I was uncomfortable with this decision, so I posted it – again – word for original word in March 2012 – this being four days before Bill passed away.  What came next was a nightmare I could never have foreseen.  A long story made short:  when I found Bill’s lifeless body, I went into shock.  My neighbor, who had read this piece online and understood my emotional state at the time, was worried for my physical well-being and I was sent, against my will, to the hospital and kept for the day, under ‘supervision’.  I will continue no further on this matter, except to say I had never felt so blindsided, violated, helpless, humiliated, scared, distraught and completely – totally – alone in all of my life.

I did re-post this one more time in February of 2013, after I began writing again.  It was also a few weeks before what was an extremely difficult one year anniversary of Bill’s passing and I had fallen as emotionally low as a person could go.

holding on but trying to let go

~

i try to filter out the dark from the light ~

think of his laugh, his voice,

his smile, his eyes

but

with the light comes darkness ~

the moment i last saw him as he walked away

and

the horror of finding

what i could never have imagined on that day ~ ~ ~

~ ~ ~

~ ~ ~

how do i hold onto the beauty of his light

without

grasping the shadows of darkness?

~

~

 

 

 

 

 

~

three years

~

as another year passes,

i say goodbye…

again…

reliving the last days

before an unexpected farewell.

~

every moment is engraved

deep within my mind

&

my body still aches

with

each beat of my heart.

~

~

~

i can still wish…

*

three years without you has been an adventure ~

a never-ending roller coaster of life ~ ~

where the valleys have out numbered the peaks.

i still miss you everyday

and

hear your voice and laughter

and

wish you would return,

though

i know you cannot make the journey

but

still… a girl can wish upon stars and shiny pennies… can she not?

*

maybe one day,

you will drop by and pay us a little visit ~

hang out like we used to….

we can take in a movie

and

eat all of our favorite naughty foods

or

go cruising in Starla and camping in the Vee.

i know the boys would be all for it

and

Sydnee Pee would certainly not object,

though you may have to fight for a spot on her couch.

yes,

you heard me correctly – ‘her’ couch.

*

a girl can still wish

and

i will keep on wishing

and

i will – we will – continue loving you.

i can assure you of this ~

forever.

*

the three boys thinking…..thinking…..

*

bookends

*

*

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my days begin always ~ alone

&

my days end alone ~ always

*

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frozen pond in the mid afternoon sun