Posts tagged ‘sadness’
before…
“
any day can bring goodbye ~
so
let’s hold one another close
before
we touch the sky ~
“
“
“
“
this is ~
‘
this is my heart ~ feeling
what
my mind is ~ shouting ~
‘
eyes drowning in tears
as
my veins spill blood into the night.
‘
I cry out upon deaf ears ~
will my slumber ever sing…
dreams of beauty
or
will it be consumed…
by this shameful darkness
and
dread?
‘
‘
10 for Tuesday = Ten word Story #12
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“my words stand alone
unless
they are embraced by you.”
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Friday Flash – Shattered
Felicity at The Dark Chronicles – http://felicityjohns.com/2015/03/27/friday-flash-shattered/ has a wonderful Friday prompt called Friday Flash. This week’s challenge is called ‘Shattered’.
This is a prompt – to paraphrase Felicity – this is not of ‘word’ only, but of thoughts. It’s feeling the word you see, writing what you feel and revealing a “break” – whether the “break is mental, physical or meta-physical…the point of no return.” When I saw Felicity’s post, I knew exactly what she meant and knew I had written a piece which, in my humble opinion, describes all of the above. Incidentally, it is the first poem I ever wrote (not counting high school) and posted on WordPress.
~ Numb ~
I want to feel numb – feel nothing.
Feel no love – when it goes away, I do not have to feel so bad.
Feel no hate.
Feel no guilt – for feeling no love or hate.
Feel no hurt or pain – just a nothing existence.
Numb – be dead. No feelings of anything, just nothingness.
A brief explanation:
This piece was originally written in October of 2010. I shortly, thereafter, revised it as a result of a derogatory comment made by the person who encouraged me to start blogging in the first place. As a result of his comments (he was not Bill), I buckled under the pressure and lightened it up a bit. I was uncomfortable with this decision, so I posted it – again – word for original word in March 2012 – this being four days before Bill passed away. What came next was a nightmare I could never have foreseen. A long story made short: when I found Bill’s lifeless body, I went into shock. My neighbor, who had read this piece online and understood my emotional state at the time, was worried for my physical well-being and I was sent, against my will, to the hospital and kept for the day, under ‘supervision’. I will continue no further on this matter, except to say I had never felt so blindsided, violated, helpless, humiliated, scared, distraught and completely – totally – alone in all of my life.
I did re-post this one more time in February of 2013, after I began writing again. It was also a few weeks before what was an extremely difficult one year anniversary of Bill’s passing and I had fallen as emotionally low as a person could go.
holding on but trying to let go
~
i try to filter out the dark from the light ~
think of his laugh, his voice,
his smile, his eyes
but
with the light comes darkness ~
the moment i last saw him as he walked away
and
the horror of finding
what i could never have imagined on that day ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~
how do i hold onto the beauty of his light
without
grasping the shadows of darkness?
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~
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three years
~
as another year passes,
i say goodbye…
again…
reliving the last days
before an unexpected farewell.
~
every moment is engraved
deep within my mind
&
my body still aches
with
each beat of my heart.
~
~
i can still wish…
*
three years without you has been an adventure ~
a never-ending roller coaster of life ~ ~
where the valleys have out numbered the peaks.
i still miss you everyday
and
hear your voice and laughter
and
wish you would return,
though
i know you cannot make the journey
but
still… a girl can wish upon stars and shiny pennies… can she not?
*
maybe one day,
you will drop by and pay us a little visit ~
hang out like we used to….
we can take in a movie
and
eat all of our favorite naughty foods
or
go cruising in Starla and camping in the Vee.
i know the boys would be all for it
and
Sydnee Pee would certainly not object,
though you may have to fight for a spot on her couch.
yes,
you heard me correctly – ‘her’ couch.
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a girl can still wish
and
i will keep on wishing
and
i will – we will – continue loving you.
i can assure you of this ~
forever.
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