the seamstress

~

this fabric is worn ~

faded and frayed.

some stitches are missing ~

seams unraveling away.

i have plenty of needles

and

thread for repair,

rhinestones

and

sequins

to add an elegant flair

~ but ~

can i make something so weary

look desirable and new?

or

should i stash it

forever ~

away from

everyone’s

view?

~

~

~

 

 

 

 

crawling ~ ~ ~

*

each step into daylight

seems to

travel further into the dark… always uncertain of my course.

*

i look for a beam of light

or

a glowing ember…. something to grab hold

for guidance,

for stability

yet

i know light cannot be harnessed ~

it cannot be held in one’s hands

so,

i drop to my knees and crawl my way forward.

*

blind ~ i may be

and

stable ~ one could disagree

but

mobile ~ i can be ~ moving forward the best i can ~ ~ ~

*

*

*

some contrast…

~

some

would say

i wear my darkness well

~ too well ~

in fact…

this may very well be true

but

without

‘some’

darkness for contrast ~

how will one ever see

my light shine through?

~

~

to let go

*

i need to purge these feelings

deep down inside ~

and

until i do,

they will eat me alive.

*

*

look, listen, feel

•

i look in the mirror

for

someone

i cannot see.

•

i listen

for

a voice

i cannot hear.

•

i search

for

a heart

i cannot feel.

•

i am reaching

for

the person

i used to be

~ but ~

she is nowhere to be found.

•

•

time ~ life ~ time.

~

i hate time.

it walks too slow

when i want it to run fast.

it runs too fast

when i want it to walk slow.

~

here in lies the conundrum…

time is life.

life is time.

what am i saying?

~

i hate my life?

~

amazing

§

it is truly amazing how one soul can save another

with

only a few words

and

a caring heart ~

breathing life

into

a world which had fallen behind ~ ~

an existence

with no desire to move forward

or

wishing

simply

~ only ~

to

die.

§

§

a kaleidoscope

~

there is a cacophony of feelings

~

ever-present

always changing

never quiet

never still

~

this

emotion

which dominates my troubled mind

~

a constant force driving every color

at every turn

of this

kaleidoscope

~

~

~

i wait for the day

when i can decimate the lens

and

see

nothing

~

only

peace

~

~

the other

ˆ

it can take

one action,

a feeling

or

a thought ~

to trigger the other

from rising up through the depths ~

choking my mind,

leave me gasping

for light

and

wanting

to

disappear

ˆ

ˆ

lack thereof…

***

i am finding my heart no longer beats as it should ~

it lacks courage and feelings of desire

*

where dreams once thrived in abundance

now

only a void

~ sits and waits ~

to swallow me whole.

*

i am not completely beyond reproach ~

i am not ready to throw in the towel ~

i just keep trying

to ignite

some sort of something

and

come up with nothing

to compel me

inside

***

Sunrise at the Metra Train Station in Wheeling, IL

 ***