Posts tagged ‘grief’

in a blink

everything feels right

it takes only one moment

life changed forever

ps:  A fellow classmate of  Peyton’s was killed in a car accident, along with his parents over Spring Break in AZ.  His 9-year-old sister survived and is in critical condition.

Please keep them in your thoughts.


April 1, 2014 at 2:43 pm 18 comments




blood flowing through veins

swelling to a crescendo

erupt to the surface

need to feel alive



3-17 a

March 17 5:25am
moon over a frozen pond

March 17, 2014 at 3:42 pm 6 comments

sad songs



eyes weep

muted tears trickle

cadenza devoid of joy




my eyes

March 16, 2014 at 9:24 pm 11 comments

words never spoken




hope some day

our paths will cross

and words will be said…

i always loved you…

forever i

will love you…

till my




last pic

March 14, 2014 at 2:41 pm 15 comments




scars are so exhausting –

always present

– some big, some small –

constant reminders

of stupidity,


the how’s and why’s


the pain they have inflicted


most exhausting of all


the process of acceptance,


letting go…





The Big Island of Hawaii
along the northeast coast


February 27, 2014 at 5:30 pm 7 comments

four weeks to forever


four weeks was all we had –

to catch up and to talk,

about the past, the present


a future that would never come.


for every ounce of fear i possessed,

she held on to a dream

for the only place

she had ever longed to go –

a place to rest,

to be at peace.


i knew deep inside,

she was right –

  what was best,


that ‘the monster’ she had been given

would swallow her whole –

take what little life

there was left.


i did all i could to be with her –

to capture each and every image

in my head.

to hear every word,

every giggle,

to touch her face


feel her breath.


four weeks to the day,

her final sentence had been announced.

she left my side

to seek her dream –

no longer lost


forever found.




Our four weeks began November 11, 2004


ended December 12, 2004

painted at 16

self portrait – age 16

November 13, 2013 at 3:41 pm 25 comments

drops of…..


tears of deep red

well up –

some trickle,

some drip –

all dissipate in time.


memories become stains –

a scar,

a mark

on one’s heart and soul.






September 18, 2013 at 3:10 pm 6 comments

mourning – still


a gaping wound –


brought on by random thoughts;

a memory of words once spoken


a voice which made me laugh.


a gaping wound –


while sitting on my bike;

i am drafting behind you –

trying desperately to keep up.


a gaping wound –


while watching my son

behind the wheel;

remembering all the times he rode shot-gun

with you in go-carts


on Buzz Lightyear.


a gaping wound –


each time

leading to a hole inside my heart.

it is an empty space

where tears continue to flow


light ceases to exist.


a gaping wound –


each time ‘those’ memories come to pass;

when reality digs deeper into my soul –

that you are gone forever


never coming back.





Spring Break 2004
Disney World
Orlando, Florida

September 3, 2013 at 2:45 pm 22 comments

a question once asked

I once asked you a question,
with a blank stare you looked at me
and answered quite simply
I'm tired,
I want to finally find some peace.

I knew what you meant;
what was expected of me,
make a choice to hold on
or let you go - set you free.

I stepped out into the hall
and silently screamed. 
I would trade places if possible,
but it could never be.

My sadness turned to anger -
why would you choose to go away;
hand me this burden so heavy
as deciding one's fate?

I knew your life had been a struggle,
carved of fear and so many tears;
never asking for help,
never wanting me near.

Now I stood by your bedside
held your hand,
looked into your eyes - 
asked you a question
What do I do - 
how can I decide?

With a voice like a whimper
and a touch so frail,
you assured me
it was okay
to let go - 
to send you away.

Often times
I  reflect on the choice that I made,
almost 9 years have passed
though it feels more like days;
when I made the decision to set you free;
let you go
on your journey 
to finally rest - 
be in peace.

To my mom - 

Ida Marie
born 2/23/1944
died 12/11/2004

February 20, 2013 at 3:12 am 10 comments

my lament

It has been 11 months since I last saw you - 
you were so, so far away;
in a world I could not touch,
could not see,
could not hear,
but you could, you were there.

I knew you were tired
and needed a break,
from life's chaos and burdens - 
which seemed to suffocate you like a snake;
wrapping tighter & tighter
around your being of every minute of every day.

It has been 11 months since I found you - 
lying still without breath
and your little girl beside you
watching over you as you left.

I can't understand why you just took off - 
left us behind - 
without a wave - 
without a smile - 
without not even a goodbye.

I need to ask you - 
Are you happy,
enjoying your new life and at peace? 
no longer having to toil or fight your unrest,
feel the warmth of the sun,
smell the sweet Hawaiian air,
and listen to the rhythm of the ocean dancing in your ear?

I am not angry, just sad
still trying hard to accept
that you will never return to us,
no longer make us laugh.

You went away - You are gone.


you are not faraway from where we exist;
you live in each one of us and 
for that we are grateful - 

You are still here,

Your life will go on.

last pic

February 18, 2013 at 4:30 pm 11 comments

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