Posts tagged ‘grief’
in a blink
“
everything feels right
it takes only one moment
life changed forever
“
“
“
ps: A fellow classmate of Peyton’s was killed in a car accident, along with his parents over Spring Break in AZ. His 9-year-old sister survived and is in critical condition.
Please keep them in your thoughts.
release
≈
˜
˜
blood flowing through veins
swelling to a crescendo
erupt to the surface
need to feel alive
˜
˜
≈
March 17 5:25am
moon over a frozen pond
words never spoken
ς
i
truly
hope some day
our paths will cross
and words will be said…
i always loved you…
forever i
will love you…
till my
end
ς
ς
∞
∞
healing
*
*
scars are so exhausting –
always present
– some big, some small –
constant reminders
of stupidity,
ignorance,
the how’s and why’s
and
the pain they have inflicted
but
most exhausting of all
is
the process of acceptance,
forgiveness,
letting go…
healing.
*
*
The Big Island of Hawaii
along the northeast coast
2007
four weeks to forever
ς
four weeks was all we had –
to catch up and to talk,
about the past, the present
and
a future that would never come.
ς
for every ounce of fear i possessed,
she held on to a dream
for the only place
she had ever longed to go –
a place to rest,
to be at peace.
*
i knew deep inside,
she was right –
what was best,
and
that ‘the monster’ she had been given
would swallow her whole –
take what little life
there was left.
ς
i did all i could to be with her –
to capture each and every image
in my head.
to hear every word,
every giggle,
to touch her face
and
feel her breath.
ς
four weeks to the day,
her final sentence had been announced.
she left my side
to seek her dream –
no longer lost
but
forever found.
ς
ς
ς
Our four weeks began November 11, 2004
and
ended December 12, 2004
self portrait – age 16
1960
drops of…..
ξ
tears of deep red
well up –
some trickle,
some drip –
all dissipate in time.
ξ
memories become stains –
a scar,
a mark
on one’s heart and soul.
ξ
ξ
ξ
9/17/13
mourning – still
*
a gaping wound –
re-opens
brought on by random thoughts;
a memory of words once spoken
and
a voice which made me laugh.
*
a gaping wound –
re-opens
while sitting on my bike;
i am drafting behind you –
trying desperately to keep up.
*
a gaping wound –
re-opens
while watching my son
behind the wheel;
remembering all the times he rode shot-gun
with you in go-carts
and
on Buzz Lightyear.
*
a gaping wound –
re-opens
each time
leading to a hole inside my heart.
it is an empty space
where tears continue to flow
and
light ceases to exist.
*
a gaping wound –
re-opens
each time ‘those’ memories come to pass;
when reality digs deeper into my soul –
that you are gone forever
and
never coming back.
*
*
*
Spring Break 2004
Disney World
Orlando, Florida
a question once asked
I once asked you a question,
with a blank stare you looked at me
and answered quite simply
I'm tired,
I want to finally find some peace.
I knew what you meant;
what was expected of me,
make a choice to hold on
or let you go - set you free.
I stepped out into the hall
and silently screamed.
I would trade places if possible,
but it could never be.
My sadness turned to anger -
why would you choose to go away;
hand me this burden so heavy
as deciding one's fate?
I knew your life had been a struggle,
carved of fear and so many tears;
never asking for help,
never wanting me near.
Now I stood by your bedside
held your hand,
looked into your eyes -
asked you a question
What do I do -
how can I decide?
With a voice like a whimper
and a touch so frail,
you assured me
it was okay
to let go -
to send you away.
Often times
I reflect on the choice that I made,
almost 9 years have passed
though it feels more like days;
when I made the decision to set you free;
let you go
on your journey
to finally rest -
be in peace.
To my mom -
Ida Marie
born 2/23/1944
died 12/11/2004
my lament
It has been 11 months since I last saw you - you were so, so far away; in a world I could not touch, could not see, could not hear, but you could, you were there. I knew you were tired and needed a break, from life's chaos and burdens - which seemed to suffocate you like a snake; wrapping tighter & tighter around your being of every minute of every day. It has been 11 months since I found you - lying still without breath and your little girl beside you watching over you as you left. I can't understand why you just took off - left us behind - without a wave - without a smile - without not even a goodbye. I need to ask you - Are you happy, enjoying your new life and at peace? no longer having to toil or fight your unrest, feel the warmth of the sun, smell the sweet Hawaiian air, and listen to the rhythm of the ocean dancing in your ear? I am not angry, just sad still trying hard to accept that you will never return to us, no longer make us laugh. You went away - You are gone. BUT you are not faraway from where we exist; you live in each one of us and for that we are grateful - You are still here, Your life will go on.
