both ~ away ~

.

one is across the country,

the other ~ across an ocean

and

I am in the center waiting ~

.

neither

here or there ~

.

just

waiting ~

.

waiting for this ~ profound

loneliness

to

float

away ~

.

.

Lily Lake

.

 

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searching ~

.

i have been searching for a story

with a happy ending ~

something simple

not grand,

no complications or pain.

.

a production of sorts ~

words dancing on pages,

pages waltzing through chapters,

chapters leaping between covers…

all bound by a simple

beginning,

middle

&

end.

.

can it be such a story truly exists

or

am i fooling my heart ~ wasting

my days ~ searching

for

a

book

I can… will… never write?

.

.

.

present always…

*

*

my thoughts of you

are

very much like the sun ~

they rise and fall,

shine and fade

but

they never

drop

out

of

sight…

.

they are omnipresent…

.

forever floating through…

.

me…always.

*

*

Lily Lake (the big pond) at sunset.

*

*

 

this is ~

Beasts of Articulation

‘

this is my heart ~ feeling

what

my mind is ~ shouting ~

‘

eyes drowning in tears

as

my veins spill blood into the night.

‘

I cry out upon deaf ears ~

will my slumber ever sing…

dreams of beauty

or

will it be consumed…

by this shameful darkness

and

dread?

‘

‘

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10 for Tuesday = ten word story #13

~

~

“each  heart beat

fades

into chaos

leaving

confusion

and

fatigue.”

~

~

~

… faltering…

drops

Friday Flash – Shattered

Felicity at The Dark Chronicles – http://felicityjohns.com/2015/03/27/friday-flash-shattered/ has a wonderful Friday prompt called Friday Flash.  This week’s challenge is called ‘Shattered’.

This is a prompt – to paraphrase Felicity – this is not of ‘word’ only, but of thoughts. It’s feeling the word you see, writing what you feel and revealing a “break” – whether the “break is mental, physical or meta-physical…the point of no return.”  When I saw Felicity’s post, I knew exactly what she meant and knew I had written a piece which, in my humble opinion, describes all of the above.  Incidentally, it is the first poem I ever wrote (not counting high school) and posted on WordPress.

 ~ Numb ~

I want to feel numb – feel nothing.

Feel no love – when it goes away, I do not have to feel so bad.

Feel no hate.

Feel no guilt – for feeling no love or hate.

Feel no hurt or pain – just a nothing existence.

Numb – be dead.  No feelings of anything, just nothingness.

 

A brief explanation:

This piece was originally written in October of 2010.  I shortly, thereafter, revised it as a result of a derogatory comment made by the person who encouraged me to start blogging in the first place.  As a result of his comments (he was not Bill), I buckled under the pressure and lightened it up a bit. I was uncomfortable with this decision, so I posted it – again – word for original word in March 2012 – this being four days before Bill passed away.  What came next was a nightmare I could never have foreseen.  A long story made short:  when I found Bill’s lifeless body, I went into shock.  My neighbor, who had read this piece online and understood my emotional state at the time, was worried for my physical well-being and I was sent, against my will, to the hospital and kept for the day, under ‘supervision’.  I will continue no further on this matter, except to say I had never felt so blindsided, violated, helpless, humiliated, scared, distraught and completely – totally – alone in all of my life.

I did re-post this one more time in February of 2013, after I began writing again.  It was also a few weeks before what was an extremely difficult one year anniversary of Bill’s passing and I had fallen as emotionally low as a person could go.

swept away

just one ~

~

to calm the nerves

to quiet the mind

to dull the pain

but ~ ~ ~ at what price?

~

~

9pm – the view from my driveway – snow encrusted with ice and frosted with lamplight

~