Posts tagged ‘darkness’
without water
“
“
my words are scattered ~ ~
they are everywhere
and
nowhere.
I feel lost
in a pool
of
profound redundancy.
“
“
“
Friday Flash – Shattered
Felicity at The Dark Chronicles – http://felicityjohns.com/2015/03/27/friday-flash-shattered/ has a wonderful Friday prompt called Friday Flash. This week’s challenge is called ‘Shattered’.
This is a prompt – to paraphrase Felicity – this is not of ‘word’ only, but of thoughts. It’s feeling the word you see, writing what you feel and revealing a “break” – whether the “break is mental, physical or meta-physical…the point of no return.” When I saw Felicity’s post, I knew exactly what she meant and knew I had written a piece which, in my humble opinion, describes all of the above. Incidentally, it is the first poem I ever wrote (not counting high school) and posted on WordPress.
~ Numb ~
I want to feel numb – feel nothing.
Feel no love – when it goes away, I do not have to feel so bad.
Feel no hate.
Feel no guilt – for feeling no love or hate.
Feel no hurt or pain – just a nothing existence.
Numb – be dead. No feelings of anything, just nothingness.
A brief explanation:
This piece was originally written in October of 2010. I shortly, thereafter, revised it as a result of a derogatory comment made by the person who encouraged me to start blogging in the first place. As a result of his comments (he was not Bill), I buckled under the pressure and lightened it up a bit. I was uncomfortable with this decision, so I posted it – again – word for original word in March 2012 – this being four days before Bill passed away. What came next was a nightmare I could never have foreseen. A long story made short: when I found Bill’s lifeless body, I went into shock. My neighbor, who had read this piece online and understood my emotional state at the time, was worried for my physical well-being and I was sent, against my will, to the hospital and kept for the day, under ‘supervision’. I will continue no further on this matter, except to say I had never felt so blindsided, violated, helpless, humiliated, scared, distraught and completely – totally – alone in all of my life.
I did re-post this one more time in February of 2013, after I began writing again. It was also a few weeks before what was an extremely difficult one year anniversary of Bill’s passing and I had fallen as emotionally low as a person could go.
just one ~
~
to calm the nerves
to quiet the mind
to dull the pain
but ~ ~ ~ at what price?
~
~
9pm – the view from my driveway – snow encrusted with ice and frosted with lamplight
~
inscriptions
.
nighttime brings words spoken
only in the dark ~ etched in tears
by voices past and present.
each chapter bleeds the same ~ ~
line after line
page after page…..turning…..always…..until dawn
approaches
and
words begin to fade
.
.
.
the night air
~
as nighttime touches my skin,
my mind fills with desire
~ each heartbeat fuels a need ~
to be touched,
to be held,
to be wanted
yet
the rhythm of my cries fall on deaf ears
~ always ~
on deaf ears
and
stagnant air
~
