A letter….

January 24, 2015 at 7:12 pm 27 comments

My dearest Bill,

I wanted to thank you for our time spent yesterday. It was nice to have you with me while I was driving to work. I needed someone to talk to and you were there listening……I think. I mean, I could hear you responding to my conversation.

I know we discussed this, but I am still in disbelief that Jordy is 20. Can you believe it? Just yesterday you were lifting him onto your shoulders and goofing around. I have been thinking about the camping trips and road trips and movies. Oh my gosh, the movies. Can you believe he still has every ticket stub for every movie we ever went to? And the big 6′ Oscar display board that you carried down the Las Vegas strip on a very, very windy day (and cursing, might I add) just so we could ship it UPS to Jordan? It was your idea…..

Jordan is still the stubborn, silly and vivacious little boy he was, he is just now taller and he has a beard. Oh my, yes, a beard. A pretty impressive one, actually. Scary, I know but true. And he is doing so well at school. You would not believe what he has accomplished and the responsibilities he has been granted. Remember how you always tried to give him a job so he could make some money? And how he was never interested – too involved in his mind and movies? Well, he has been appointed the position of treasurer (youngest ever) of the largest student run organization on campus and – I hope you are sitting down – he is in charge of a five figure budget! He is overseeing all the money’s being spent on movie projects and he has to go to faculty and alumni events to raise money. Yes, our boy…..the one who could not sell his Boy Scout popcorn!!!!!

Oh Bill, I miss you. We miss you. I thought for sure you would be here for all of these moments. I know how much you were looking forward to the boys becoming young men so you could show them things and impart your knowledge of lessons you learned as a wild young man. I can assure you, neither one is wild, though Jordan finally did go out to a club on campus a few months back. To hear him tell the story, it sounded like ‘geeks go listening to music and do strange dancing’…. Believe me, and I know you know this, the kid’s dance moves are, well, let’s just say ‘scratch the beard’ is his signature move. (Don’t ask;)

I was thinking after our talk yesterday that you are just as much a part of my son as his father and I. We made him, but you were a part of his life for 12 years and they were not just ‘years’ – they were his formative years. Sometimes he says and does things that remind me of you. It is said we live on in our children, even after we are gone. Bill, you are doing just that in both Jordan and Peyton. I want you to know that they and I appreciate everything you gave them. Everything.

Okay, I really need to stop being the silly emotional mom (yes, I am crying, dammit), though I am certain you are getting quite a laugh at my expense. I will let you go now doing what it is you do. How is the ‘hammock hanging’ by the ocean treating you? Sick of fish tacos yet? Pee says hi. I know she misses you. You need not worry about payback in regards to taking care of Pee. We have gotten plenty of it and, now I am the one who wears the big ‘S’ for sucker on her back – just like you did.

Bill, we love you.

The boys, your little girl and Kimberly xoxo

ps: Please keep a watchful eye on our boys;)


Entry filed under: Writing, personal, love, feelings, memories, family, relationships. Tags: , , , , , .

Six Word Saturday #4 fathomless

27 Comments Add your own

  • 1. joeyfullystated  |  January 24, 2015 at 9:17 pm

    ❤ my heart hurts for you

    • 2. words4jp  |  January 25, 2015 at 5:40 pm

      You are so very very sweet. Thank you xxxx

  • 3. Paul Handover  |  January 24, 2015 at 9:35 pm

    I don’t know what to say without it seeming to be an intrusion into a very private part of your life. Then, again, in harmony with the previous reply, my heart also hurts for you. You are so brave (and wise) to share your feelings like this.

    • 4. words4jp  |  January 25, 2015 at 5:45 pm

      I am not certain what provoked the need to write this, except I truly did talk to Bill in the car while I was driving to work. I had just dropped Peyt off at school. Each milestone gets more difficult it seems. I never thought that I would experience them without Bill.

  • 5. LeProsey  |  January 24, 2015 at 9:59 pm

    Love to you x

    • 6. words4jp  |  January 25, 2015 at 5:45 pm

      Thank you:). xxxx

      • 7. LeProsey  |  January 25, 2015 at 6:49 pm


  • 8. Pamela Beckford  |  January 24, 2015 at 10:56 pm


    • 9. words4jp  |  January 25, 2015 at 5:46 pm

      Thank you. His loss is still felt and watching the boys grow up without him here makes this loss even greater.

  • 10. Ms. Vee  |  January 24, 2015 at 11:40 pm

    God bless you. It had to be very difficult for you to bear your soul and share this letter. I am deeply touched and I hope this is a way for you to continue to heal, bit by bit! Hugs to you!

    • 11. words4jp  |  January 25, 2015 at 5:48 pm

      Thank you Ms. Vee. I was telling Paul that I do not know what provoked me to write this, except I just really miss him. I think I was thinking that if I write a letter, then it would feel even more like he is here, though I know he cannot be. Maybe making me feel less sad. I do not know…the milestones kill me inside.

      • 12. Ms. Vee  |  January 25, 2015 at 10:35 pm

        You’re welcome. You do whatever it takes that will bring you some comfort. I pray your sadness eases itself.

  • 13. JMC813  |  January 25, 2015 at 12:30 am

    SO very, very touching. I am stunned with the emotion and gratitude in your words. THis touched me. Thank you.

    • 14. words4jp  |  January 25, 2015 at 5:52 pm

      You are welcome. I do not typically write posts such as these. Scribbles, but not letters. In hind site, I think, I felt writing him would make him feel less far away. xx

  • 15. DailyMusings  |  January 25, 2015 at 1:17 am

    hugs to you- what a sad but so meaningful post. so touching

    • 16. words4jp  |  January 25, 2015 at 5:53 pm

      Thank you:) xxxx

  • 17. busymindthinking  |  January 25, 2015 at 5:04 am

    I extend my heart and love…knowing you were heard brings emotion, huge hugs.

    • 18. words4jp  |  January 25, 2015 at 5:54 pm

      Thank you. I am still trying to figure out why I wrote what I wrote. We talk all of the time, or I should say that I talk and he listens. xx

      • 19. busymindthinking  |  January 25, 2015 at 6:00 pm

        Your heart spoke, why even question it? It speaks beautifully. I love that he always listens. Huge hugs my friend. xoxo

  • 20. kismet  |  January 25, 2015 at 5:17 am

    Big warm hugs ❤️

    • 21. words4jp  |  January 25, 2015 at 5:54 pm

      Thank you:)

  • 22. Dom DiFrancesco  |  January 26, 2015 at 3:56 pm

    This is really heart wrenching, it brought a tear to my eye. Thank you for sharing such a personal piece.

  • 23. Theresa  |  January 27, 2015 at 12:39 pm

    Sending blessings of comfort and love…

    • 24. words4jp  |  January 27, 2015 at 5:18 pm

      thank you 🙂

  • 25. kittykatsbitsandbobs  |  February 10, 2015 at 5:09 pm

    Having only just met you, I know nothing of the background to this letter, but I still can feel the sadness. I am truly sorry for the loss you have endured. It is wonderful though that you still talk to Bill, that’s lovely. And, moreso, that you feel listened to.
    Sending you hugs and wishing you well.

    • 26. words4jp  |  February 10, 2015 at 10:39 pm

      Bill was a very special friend, who became more than a friend, then we went back to being friends. He was my employer and landlord. Though we no longer shared a physical relationship, we were like a husband and wife – couldn’t live together but couldn’t live apart. We co-parented Sydnee Pee, he was a step father to my boys (not legally, but who needs a document to make it so) He died unexpectedly at the age of 51 – March 19, 2012. My life , my heart, my world changed the day I found him lying on the floor with our little girl lying by his side. xx

      • 27. kittykatsbitsandbobs  |  February 11, 2015 at 7:53 am

        Oh my god! I am so deeply, honestly sorry honey. I can’t imagine your pain. My heart truly goes out to you and I wish I was close by to offer a hug. I am lost for words. xx

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