a contradiction

March 12, 2014 at 2:34 pm 17 comments

i want to be alone


not be lonely

i want to open my heart


not open the door

i want to be loved


not be vulnerable

i want to love another


not be destroyed

i want to not think


cannot stop thinking

i want to feel nothing


all i do is feel

i want to feel better inside


cannot stop feeling bad

i want to disappear


go nowhere


Stickney Run Conservation Area
McHenry, IL



Entry filed under: answers, darkness, feelings, insomnia, life, mental health, OCD, Personal, poetry, prose, questions, Relationships, thoughts. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , .

see…say…what? the movies in my mind

17 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Pamela Beckford  |  March 12, 2014 at 2:44 pm

    I feel like this a lot

    • 2. words4jp  |  March 13, 2014 at 1:31 am

      It is a pain in the butt. I have been reading your book – the poetry is so beautiful and romantic. It makes me think that it would be nice to find a special someone. A part of me wants to and another is so damned scared to try.

      • 3. Pamela Beckford  |  March 13, 2014 at 1:34 am

        You will know when you are ready. I believe you are far too young to be alone the rest of your life. I’m a romantic at heart and wish you all the love you deserve.

  • 4. acuriousgal  |  March 12, 2014 at 2:48 pm

    Thinking of you

  • 6. From Acorn To Oak  |  March 12, 2014 at 3:47 pm

    Paradox Maybe you are far more in touch with this, yet many of us feel the same!!!! Today someone told me that by accepting, then things begin to change! 🙂 XXX Love

    • 7. words4jp  |  March 13, 2014 at 1:33 am

      Aha – the acceptance concept. Argh. I have heard of this :). I realize acceptance and letting go go hand in hand. I am better at acceptance then letting go. Until I can do both – equally – I am afraid I am living a paradox. 😉

      • 8. From Acorn To Oak  |  March 18, 2014 at 7:10 pm

        That is very interesting… most is life is a paradox. XX

  • 9. Paul Handover  |  March 12, 2014 at 4:23 pm

    Powerful words. Incredibly so! Wouldn’t mind writing a post around your theme in those words over at my place – perhaps under the heading of ‘the more I know, the less I know!’

  • 11. Dom DiFrancesco  |  March 12, 2014 at 4:38 pm

    This is a truly beautiful poem though filled with so much sadness.

    • 12. words4jp  |  March 13, 2014 at 1:15 am

      Thank you. Most of what I have been writing has been morose with the exception of Pee and the boys. They are my sunshine. xxx

  • 13. quarksire  |  March 12, 2014 at 5:51 pm

    i can relate! namaste’ 2 u frum Q 🙂

    • 14. words4jp  |  March 13, 2014 at 1:10 am

      Thank you. 🙂

  • 15. Carol Balawyder  |  March 12, 2014 at 11:41 pm

    You made me think:)

    • 16. words4jp  |  March 13, 2014 at 1:09 am

      Oh dear – you too? 🙂

  • 17. greenlightlady  |  March 13, 2014 at 2:18 am

    This post is beautifully poignant. You picked the perfect picture too. There have been times that I have felt each of these at one time or other in my five decades of living.

    Blessings ~ Wendy ❂


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