the constant chatter

February 17, 2014 at 7:58 pm 13 comments

each morning light brings fear and sadness

I wish I could hide from the world.

but life awaits, so it takes all i have to push on, move forward.

I must go to work – I have no other choice – people depend on me.

as i walk through the door, the mask is slipped on and a smile painted on my face.

I can NEVER let them see how I feel.

the day drags along and i am fighting back tears,

I want to hide under my desk.  I want so much to disappear.

while those around me are mingling and laughing – sharing pleasantries and smiles.

I cannot stop looking at the clock.

i wait desperately for the workday to be over.

I have come to the end of my rope.

as i leave the office, i fake one more smile.

I need to get out of here – NOW.

while getting in the car, the tears begin to fall.

I have to get home.

a feeling of calm returns as i pull into the driveway.

I am finally home.  I am finally alone.

i tear the clothes off of my body, sit in the shower and cry.

No one can hear my pain.

many minutes later

i get dressed,

fall into bed,

pull the covers over my head.

  No one can see my pain.

i do not want to think,

i do not want to speak,

i want to be numb,

feel nothing.

This world would be better without me.

BUT

somewhere, someplace

there is a voice

drawing me near –

BUT

I can feel

something

inside

holding tight –

not letting go.

some kind of force –

calming my nerves,

clearing my head.

I am exhausted,

I just want to sleep,

if only for a little while.

MAYBE TOMORROW WILL BE BETTER.

I will try.

MAYBE TOMORROW WILL BE BETTER.

i will try.

this is dedicated to those who suffer depression

and

their dogged determination to

  ‘push on’ day after day.

Advertisements

Entry filed under: depression, family, feelings, friendship, life, mental health, Personal, poetry, ponderings, prose, thoughts. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , .

a scent another year

13 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Green Embers  |  February 17, 2014 at 8:07 pm

    Yeah, you nailed it. Felt so real. Thanks for this! ((hugs))

    Reply
    • 2. words4jp  |  February 17, 2014 at 8:12 pm

      you are welcome. i hope you are doing well Bradley – xxxx

      Reply
  • 3. hitandrun1964  |  February 17, 2014 at 9:54 pm

    I hope there is an answer to this.

    Reply
  • 5. Just Patty  |  February 17, 2014 at 11:50 pm

    You described it greatly Kim. Thank you for sharing.
    Lots of love and hugz ❤

    Reply
    • 6. words4jp  |  February 18, 2014 at 1:19 pm

      thank you. hugs to you…..across the pond……

      Reply
  • 7. Skye @ TheSanctuaryofMyHeart  |  February 18, 2014 at 12:44 am

    Thank you for describing the struggle so beautifully….Although, I would not wish this on anyone, it is good to know there are those that can relate. Much love, Dear Kimberly

    Reply
    • 8. words4jp  |  February 18, 2014 at 1:16 pm

      You are so welcome. I would not wish this on anyone either, but it is one more thing that makes us special – right? 🙂

      Reply
      • 9. Skye @ TheSanctuaryofMyHeart  |  February 18, 2014 at 2:14 pm

        Absolutely!! We are the ones that can lovingly come alongside those going through it and offer support, love and understanding. Love sent to you!! 🙂

  • 10. frombeingable  |  February 23, 2014 at 10:20 pm

    beautifully said.

    Reply
    • 11. words4jp  |  February 24, 2014 at 1:13 pm

      thank you – how are you? It is a wonderful surprise to see your beautiful gravatar pop up:)

      Reply
      • 12. frombeingable  |  February 25, 2014 at 2:17 pm

        thank you. i’ve been up and down, but luckily my school work has helped me a lot–when i’ve been able to concentrate. but at least i’m still here. 🙂

  • 13. BECAUSE GIRLS ARE COOL – KIMBERLY | Hastywords  |  May 24, 2014 at 7:24 pm

    […] The Constant Chatter […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed


Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 2,926 other followers

The Archives


Samantha The Reader

THE BLOG IS ABOUT BOOKS , BOOKS , BOOKS !

spring tide voice

A Pursuit of Expression

%d bloggers like this: