the constant chatter
February 17, 2014 at 7:58 pm 13 comments
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each morning light brings fear and sadness
I wish I could hide from the world.
but life awaits, so it takes all i have to push on, move forward.
I must go to work – I have no other choice – people depend on me.
as i walk through the door, the mask is slipped on and a smile painted on my face.
I can NEVER let them see how I feel.
the day drags along and i am fighting back tears,
I want to hide under my desk. I want so much to disappear.
while those around me are mingling and laughing – sharing pleasantries and smiles.
I cannot stop looking at the clock.
i wait desperately for the workday to be over.
I have come to the end of my rope.
as i leave the office, i fake one more smile.
I need to get out of here – NOW.
while getting in the car, the tears begin to fall.
I have to get home.
a feeling of calm returns as i pull into the driveway.
I am finally home. I am finally alone.
i tear the clothes off of my body, sit in the shower and cry.
No one can hear my pain.
many minutes later
i get dressed,
fall into bed,
pull the covers over my head.
No one can see my pain.
i do not want to think,
i do not want to speak,
i want to be numb,
feel nothing.
This world would be better without me.
BUT
somewhere, someplace
there is a voice
drawing me near –
BUT
I can feel
something
inside
holding tight –
not letting go.
some kind of force –
calming my nerves,
clearing my head.
I am exhausted,
I just want to sleep,
if only for a little while.
MAYBE TOMORROW WILL BE BETTER.
I will try.
MAYBE TOMORROW WILL BE BETTER.
i will try.
≈
≈
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this is dedicated to those who suffer depression
and
their dogged determination to
‘push on’ day after day.
≈
Entry filed under: depression, family, feelings, friendship, life, mental health, Personal, poetry, ponderings, prose, thoughts. Tags: compassion, darkness, determination, faith, fears, frustration, hope, journeys, observations, pain, sadness, voices, worries.
1.
Green Embers | February 17, 2014 at 8:07 pm
Yeah, you nailed it. Felt so real. Thanks for this! ((hugs))
2.
words4jp | February 17, 2014 at 8:12 pm
you are welcome. i hope you are doing well Bradley – xxxx
3.
hitandrun1964 | February 17, 2014 at 9:54 pm
I hope there is an answer to this.
4.
words4jp | February 17, 2014 at 10:22 pm
Me too.
5.
Just Patty | February 17, 2014 at 11:50 pm
You described it greatly Kim. Thank you for sharing.
Lots of love and hugz ❤
6.
words4jp | February 18, 2014 at 1:19 pm
thank you. hugs to you…..across the pond……
7.
Skye @ TheSanctuaryofMyHeart | February 18, 2014 at 12:44 am
Thank you for describing the struggle so beautifully….Although, I would not wish this on anyone, it is good to know there are those that can relate. Much love, Dear Kimberly
8.
words4jp | February 18, 2014 at 1:16 pm
You are so welcome. I would not wish this on anyone either, but it is one more thing that makes us special – right? 🙂
9.
Skye @ TheSanctuaryofMyHeart | February 18, 2014 at 2:14 pm
Absolutely!! We are the ones that can lovingly come alongside those going through it and offer support, love and understanding. Love sent to you!! 🙂
10.
frombeingable | February 23, 2014 at 10:20 pm
beautifully said.
11.
words4jp | February 24, 2014 at 1:13 pm
thank you – how are you? It is a wonderful surprise to see your beautiful gravatar pop up:)
12.
frombeingable | February 25, 2014 at 2:17 pm
thank you. i’ve been up and down, but luckily my school work has helped me a lot–when i’ve been able to concentrate. but at least i’m still here. 🙂
13.
BECAUSE GIRLS ARE COOL – KIMBERLY | Hastywords | May 24, 2014 at 7:24 pm
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