darkness of winter

December 1, 2013 at 5:17 pm 15 comments

the darkness of winter brings a sadness inside –

an awareness so many are gone.

like the colors of autumn fading away,

cherished memories seem to wither along.

*

this time of year used to mean so very much –

days full of holiday cheer

but

now i barely see a crumb of what was

i see only sadness mixed with tinges of fear.

*

i wish i could ignore

the merriment which surrounds me,

but

the media will not stop pounding it into my head.

if

i could only lock the doors to the world and disappear,

i could exist without this feeling of dread.

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Entry filed under: depression, feelings, grief, life, memories, Personal, poetry, prose, thoughts, winter. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , .

where…what… flickers for mom

15 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Patti Hall  |  December 1, 2013 at 5:28 pm

    I’m with ya on those sentiments, Kimberly. I try to do holidays for those I still have, but am overcome by the loses and usually hunker down in my cave.

    Reply
  • 2. petitemagique  |  December 1, 2013 at 6:10 pm

    Very beautiful. Are you inside my head now?
    Hugz ♥

    Reply
    • 3. words4jp  |  December 2, 2013 at 2:42 am

      We must bounce back and forth between heads!!

      Reply
  • 4. Svelte  |  December 1, 2013 at 6:14 pm

    Omg K…spot on. Strange how the ‘darkness’ can highlight the emptiness, loneliness…absence… Grrr, I’m feeling it too.

    Reply
  • 5. Jade Reyner  |  December 1, 2013 at 7:17 pm

    Wow, this was so powerful Kimberly and beautifully written. I loved it and I feel your sadness.

    Reply
    • 6. words4jp  |  December 2, 2013 at 2:40 am

      Thank you. I wish I did not feel this way, but this is what this time of year truly feels like.

      Reply
      • 7. Jade Reyner  |  December 2, 2013 at 11:36 am

        And there is nothing wrong with being honest about that – and if it brings forth such poetry then it cannot all be bad. I think there are many people that feel exactly the same.

  • 8. heila2013  |  December 1, 2013 at 7:35 pm

    I know all those feelings much too well dear Kimberly… but those times are long past. I have found inner peace and lots of stability and satisfaction in my (not so simple) life… I think it’s a process we go through – healing, and emerging from the down, strengthened and better equipped to cope with whatever comes our way. Holidays no longer have any meaning to me besides the fact that they add a few days off from work… BTW, I used to hate the icy cold German winters when I lived there… Here in Israel winters are mild with lots of sun. Hugs, Heila

    Reply
    • 9. words4jp  |  December 2, 2013 at 2:39 am

      What I miss is my mom. And dad. And grandparents, and my friend Bill. The boys were not with me for thanxgiving and will be with me for one week at the end of the month. I light my menorah alone. I do everything alone and I really get to feeling bad being alone.

      Reply
      • 10. heila2013  |  December 5, 2013 at 11:42 pm

        I love my mom (she is alive and well and 75 y. old) and I’m worried what will be when she’ll no longer be able to live on her own.. the same thing with my dad who lives in Africa… their old age worries me. But I don’t really miss my mother; she is quite a judgmental person to be around… I miss my sister and her sweet girls though … very very much. If I had the money, I’d visit them every few months.
        Because of my son’s problems I’m active in several (support) groups and therefore I meet quite a lot of people. So being home alone (with my son) is very relaxing (and sometimes I wish I were completely alone!)
        Hanukkah is over! Hugs.

  • 11. cindy knoke  |  December 2, 2013 at 12:55 am

    moving and beautifully written!

    Reply
    • 12. words4jp  |  December 2, 2013 at 2:35 am

      Thank you so much.

      Reply
  • 13. Wordifull Melanie  |  December 5, 2013 at 7:56 am

    Hugs 🙂

    Reply
  • 14. joeyfullystated  |  December 5, 2013 at 8:08 pm

    I think a lot of people feel that way this time of year. Your feelings are easily understood. I mostly feel stress. Then I ignore my stress.

    Reply

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